So, I went and got my tarot cards read recently. It’s been on my to-do list for quite some time, but I never had the guts to just go and do it, I guess. Plus I never knew where I could get a legit reading, ya know?! No Miss Cleo BS for me, please! I wanted the real deal. And now I had something that I really needed to know about.
Just so happens, my good friend Lauren knows a girl at Oracle in the KC Crossroads that does for real tarot card reading. Oracle is this cute little shop that smells like burning sage and lavender oil. They sell stones, and bones, and little taxidermied things. Towards the back there’s a seperate space for readings. This is were I met the lovely (and amazing!) Alessandra. Alessandra has this calm energy about her and a welcoming smile.
I can’t lie though, I was nervous. But it was a nervous/excited, not a nervous/scared kind of feeling.
Alessandra handed me her deck of tarot cards and told me to shuffle them. As I shuffled I was to be mindful of something I wanted to focus on during the reading, something I wanted guidance with.
Is this the right decision?
I was intentionally vague as I repeated to myself: Is this the right decision? I wasn’t looking for a solid yes or no. I just wanted reasoning and an honest, unbiased perspective. Also, I didn’t want to possible skew my cards one way of the other by being too specific. I new Alessandra was good at what she does, but I didn’t know how good. I mean, could she read my mind or something?! So I focused and kept everything else outside of my head.
Just, is this the right decision??
I set the cards back on Alessandra’s side of the table; she picked up the deck and began laying them out on the small table between us. (my heart is racing, just retelling this you guys!) Soon there were illustrations placed intentionally in different positions. Some of them were charming. There was a does with her fawn, a large blooming tree, a stork and an owl. Other illustrations looked a little aggressive, knives and an upside down hanging bat. I had no idea what to think.
Beginning in the center, she explained each card one at a time. She spoke about the core of my personality as a nurturing and maternal individual and that my ultimate goal is to find wisdom. All true so far! She said there was something in my distant past I kept looking back on with envy, wishing this one thing was as it used to be.** I was stumped. But then she pointed to the next card: The recent past, some news that was changing things. Something specifically that came about in the past month or so, she said. I looked up from the cards at Alessandra. I couldn’t help but chuckle and the big ass smile on my face was not going away. Did she know?
As Alessandra went on I couldn’t help but feel like she was reading my like a freakin’ book! Some of the things she mentioned were aspects of myself I had only recently come to terms with, my deepest flaws and internal struggles. She mentioned my codependence, the fact that I care for and protect others to the point of my own emotional neglect. I don’t allow myself to receive or even ask for help even when I desperately need it. As a result, people see me as strong and put together. However, my tendency to self-destruct from the inside out means I am my own worst enemy. Alessandra went on to explain that I can achieve my ultimate dreams despite these flaws if I continue to improve on them. Note: Alessandra is not my therapist, but she sure did feel like it at this point.
What are my ultimate dreams? To have a happy home. To create a nurturing, loving, supportive, honest, communicative, and open environment. Somewhere to flourish. Somewhere to be a true partner. Somewhere to mother.
All of this, Alessandra explained as she pointed to the final card on the table, was inevitable. My heart was filling up fast. The card illustrated a deeply rooted tree in bloom, the Mother Tree.
Alessandra sat back in her chair, “Does this make sense?”
My response: “Yeah, definitely.”
I asked a few more questions just to be sure, but there was no denying it. And I was relieved. I could breath again and know that this IS the right decision. All of my hard work to improve myself is valid and focused in the right places, I will achieve my dreams, and I will be a mother someday. A good mother. Someday soon. Like this year. In Septmeber, actually.
Everyone go get their tarot read by Alessandra at Oracle! She’s amazing and LEGIT! (she knows things)
More later <3
**That thing in my distant past that I keep looking back on with envy? Well, it took me a few days to resolve. (There aren’t many things in my past I wish to have back as it was. But I realized, it’s this! My blog. I had such a great routine and love for my blog, but I let it slip. And I do dwell on my neglecting it for so long quite often. Which is why I’m bringing it back now. It’s not dead and I CAN revive my confidence and creativity in blogging again. :)))